You're Just So Difficult
by BillyShepherdFan
Summary: Syd Fletcher and Billy Shepherd have sworn to be enemies until the day they die. At least, so they thought... Newfound feelings for each other place them in a difficult position. But with common society raging at their doors, can the two men truly be together?
1. Chapter 1

**Syd**

He was staring at me again. Through the crowds of people, I could just about make Billy Shepherd out, leaning against the pillar of Covent Garden. His eyes brooding under his dark fringe, watching me with intent. It made me aware.

I told my companion, Nick, about it but he only laughed. "Scared of the Boil, eh?" he teased. "Come, Syd man, you'd be able to smack 'em one."

It was true, I did have a pair of mean fists. All these years of training as a boxer taught me a few things. You always had to be careful of the people around you.

But he took careful to a whole new level. There was a certain danger about him that no matter how far you ran, you were always pulled back. As his rival, I know I shouldn't say this, but that's how he made me feel.

* * *

 **Billy**

Syd made me feel dirty. Even if he was just a commoner like me, he'd always make sure he was pristine. Longish blonde hair styled perfectly, and shirts that were creaseless made up who he was. He was annoyingly perfect.

I, on the hand, was the complete opposite. Because of my need to get things done quickly, I've never really paid much attention to my appearance. I could guess what I looked like, though. Rotten.

I shook my head. What was I doing? Billy Shepherd never perjures himself. If what I just thought was my own thoughts, then damn me.

It's all because of him that I thought like this. That blockheaded butcher, the one everyone admires. It's his fault. Everyone loved him, but nobody loved me. But I didn't need anyone when I had myself. And that's all I need because no one else will love you, not even your own mother.

I never really used to think like this but it was all because of the hate I received. And it was all because of Syd Fletcher. He deceived everyone into thinking I was a complete villain. He knew nothing about me.

It's all his fault.

* * *

 **A/N: Yes, I know, there is no need to say. This was a pretty mediocre chapter. However, do not be put off by it as (hopefully) this story will get better as we go along. When re-reading The Diamond of Drury Lane, I thought about the idea of Syd and Billy being a pairing, and BAM... a fanfiction was born. I just wanted to delve into the idea of the daily struggle of homosexuals in that day and age because being gay, back then, was frowned upon and often led to death.**

 **So, that's basically the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter.**

 **~Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**Syd**

I fretted at the chunk of ham that I was tasked to hack with a knife. Each thwack got louder and louder as I increased my pace. Usually, to get away from my thoughts, I'd try my hand at practicing boxing, but that wasn't at the top of my priorities right now.

I just could not get the image of Billy Shepherd staring at me through the crowds out of my head. Why me, though? Why did he seek me out? As his rival, I found it quite unnerving.

If I have to be honest, I would've welcomed Billy into my gang with open arms. Bit he didn't want my friendship. Instead, he chose to be mean. Each time we met he'd always make some kind of comment. Not to mention, threatening my friends either.

I was interrupted in my thoughts by the voice of my father. "Syd!" he called. "Come and take the slop bucket and tip it down the drain, will ya?"

Dutifully, I took the bucket out of my father's hands. I headed out into the break of the frost winter day where the sun was sitting high above the houses. It smelt fresher than it usually did out here. Perhaps it wouldn't be long until spring comes knocking.

Though things did not stay happy for long. As if by coincidence, Billy Shepherd came from out of nowhere. We crashed. Our bodies knocked against each other in a grunt.

I could not forget the horror of the event that happened next. The slop bucket flew straight out of my hands, doing a somersault in the air. The contents of the bucket poured onto to Shepherd's shirt front. I looked up to see the hatred in his eyes.

"Wot are ya doing?" He screamed, his cheeks turning the appropriate shade of red.

I could do nothing but stare at the mess I had made. Some of the... remains began to clot up, slithering down Shepherd's chest. Despite being in the state of humiliation, Billy still looked malicious enough to kill me.

"I'm so sorry." I stammered.

"You should be." He growled, eyes piercing through me. His arms dangled by his side, unknowing of what to do with them, the stickiness of the remains getting everywhere.

By the look Shepherd proceeded to give me, I doubted that I'd be standing for much longer. I gulped.

* * *

 **Billy**

Just take one look at my brand new white shirt. It's ruined, completely ruined. I saved up my money for weeks for this and look at what happened. How long did it last? Two minutes? Three minutes?

Of course, it had to be Syd Fletcher who did this to me. I bet that he was waiting for me around that corner, ready to dump that bucket of... whatever it was on me. If this is what it felt like to be pushed into the mud as I had done to so many nippers, then I learned that karma does come around. I felt gross.

"I'm so sorry," Fletcher said again, advancing towards me as if to make to clean me up.

I jumped out of the way so that he cannot reach me. "Don't touch me," I growled through my teeth at him.

Fletcher was taken aback. "Look, Shepherd, I never meant to make a mess of ya. It was an accident."

I narrowed my eyes. "Don't lie." I hissed. "You're always out there to humiliate me."

"That's not tru-"

"You'll pay for wot ya did to me, Syd Fletcher! Don't forget it!" With one last final glare, I turned on my heel.

 _You'll pay for what you did to me, Syd Fletcher. You'll pay._ That did not seem like a bad idea.

* * *

 **Well, Billy's not a happy bunny, is he? I wonder what trick he's got up his sleeve...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Syd**

The tiff between Billy and I got me thinking. What was his problem? All I ever was was nice and he threw it back in my face. He was such a prat. Who was he to say such things about me? Not everything that happened to him was my fault. It was his own actions that cause bad things to happen.

I could've said more of my sordid thoughts about Shepherd but I did not for my life-long friend, Cat Royal, came to visit. Though she did not come alone. She brought with her a little African boy. Pedro Hawkins was his name. I had heard of Pedro. He was the Mogul Prince. The whole streets of London were abuzz with his performance. I heard he was astounding.

"I 'ear that you were quite the sensation last night, Prince," I commented with admiration.

The boy beamed. "I hear, from Cat here, that you're quite the sensational boxer. I'd love to see you in action."

"Well, now you can," I smiled, feeling pride wash over me. "I 'ave me big boxing match in Marylebone Fields on Sunday."

"Who are you fighting?" Cat asked.

My lips turned down in a worried frown. I always got nervous about my matches. "The Camden Crusher."

I watched as Cat's expression changed to match my own. "Is he good?"

"Not as good as me," I felt my confidence come back to me. "I'll set 'em to rights, you'll see." In play, I made a few practice punches in the air, rocking from one foot to the other.

Pedro smiled in appreciation. I guess he'd be another one to add to my followers. Cat, on the other hand, did not share Pedro's feelings. A grimace was plastered over her face. Cat had never fully supported my decision of taking boxing for my official career.

"Well," I announced. "I must go. I 'ave training this afternoon."

With a handshake of goodbye to Pedro, and a smile to Cat, I was left alone in the shop. At least, that's what I hoped. Who none other than Billy Shepherd came barging in. The look of fierce determination on his face intimidated me. Where were my gang members that were supposed to be keeping watch for enemies?

"You're gonna pay for a new shirt for me." He slammed a hand on the counter, making the cutlery jump.

I scoffed Who was he to come into _my_ shop, shouting the odds? "You're 'aving a laugh, ain't you?"

Shepherd's green eyes bore into me furiously. "Does it look like I'm 'avin' a laugh? Nah, I ain't. You'll buy me a new shirt, or else."

"Or else wot" I maneuvered around the counter to face him, pushing up my sleeves.

"Or else there'll be a consequence." And he gave a little push on my shoulders. "We wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Why are you being like this, Shepherd?" I asked, trying not to lose my composure. I wasn't going to let him see that he was getting to me.

"Because I want my morality back. You took it away from me and made a fool out of me. Nobody does that to me and gets away with it."

And that's when I felt my blood begin to boil. My fists curled at my sides, a growl rising in my throat. Before I knew it, I was shouting at him. "Ugh, you're just so difficult!"

Shepherd's eyes widened in shock. I doubt he expected my outburst. The shock soon deceased. He took one step closer towards me, shoulders growing broader.

* * *

 **Billy**

Syd and I were in a struggle. I pushed him against the counter and gave him punch after punch in his side. Syd fought back by making little jabs at my stomach. I was quickly forced back by a blow. We were going around in circles until Syd was tumbling.

He'd tripped over the butchering block which I hadn't even noticed was there. I grunted in surprise as he pulled me down with him. Bt I was not prepared for the next thing that happened. Our lips smacked together as I landed on top of him. In that moment I knew I should've shot away from him, but I didn't. I felt his soft lips surrender to mine as I pressed harder. Correct me if I'm wrong but I swear Syd was kissing me back.

Disgust should've been what I first felt however, I was pleasantly surprised. Kissing Syd Fletcher was nothing like I'd ever known or experienced before. It was so wrong yet so good. Though I could not let him know that. I had a reputation to uphold.

I raised myself up from Fletcher's chest and wiped his saliva out of my mouth on the back of my hand. "Nobody hears of this, do you understand?" I spat on the ground next to him.

Fletcher nodded slowly in astonishment. He rose from the ground at the exact same speed he nodded. We stood there for a moment doing nothing but staring. That lasted until I decided to flee. I ran out of the butcher's shop as if a swarm of bees was after me. I did not get very far, though. Just out the back of the shop, there was a large brick wall; I leaned up against it. My hands came up to my face in a big sigh.

I have to admit, after Syd and I kissed, I was pretty confused about how I felt. I should hate him but... I don't think I do. However, I don't think I love him either. Whatever the phase I am going through is, I realize something.

I needed that kiss.

* * *

 **OOOHH, SHOCKER! I doubted neither you or the characters expected that!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Syd**

My lips were left with a tingling sensation. A hand drifted up to wipe the saliva that must've been left behind. I was purely shocked How and why the bloody hell did Shepherd kiss me?

I needed fresh air to think about what had just happened. The wind hit me with a sudden force but it was what I needed. I was sweating so much that I could feel the beads dripping off my forehead. The winter chill eventually cooled me down enough that I had to wrap my jacket closer around me as the wind began to pick up. Walking slowly warmed me up again. However, as I came out the back of the shop, I noticed someone standing there. I rolled my eyes.

Billy Shepherd had his back up against the wall, face in palms. His shoulders jutted. I looked closer. Was he... crying? I took a step towards him, arms crossing over my chest. "Anyone would have thought you'd want more, waiting out here like this."

Shepherd raised his head and glared at me. He wiped what must've been his tear-stained eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, Fletcher," He grumbled.

I snorted. I came to stand next to him and copied his stance against the wall. "Why did you do it? Why did you kiss me, Billy?" I asked, staring at nothing but a blank space.

"I 'onestly don't know," he said. "Call me crazy but it's done something good for me. I feel lighter, different."

"And that's supposed to make everything OK, is it?" I sneered as if I could still taste him. "You're an absolute ruthless git who doesn't care about how others feel. Let me tell you, one day it'll all come racing back and you'll find yourself six feet under."

Billy's head snapped in my direction. I didn't even need to look at him to know that he was glaring at me. OK, so maybe I was being a bit harsh. I had no idea of what he was feeling, so what could I say? The death threat was definitely out of line.

"Look, Shepherd, I apologize," I said. "I ain't one to be mean but I was and I'm sorry. I guess I'm just shocked about what 'appened between us."

Billy looked away from me. He grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. "I understand," he said, surprising me. "What happened confused me too."

"So wot are we going to do about it?" I asked.

"Talk?"

"Fair enough."

* * *

 **Billy**

We stood in my kitchen, staring at the empty kitchen table. Let's just say, with a bit of persuasion, I convinced Fletcher to come. Being my rival, this made him a bit wary. He didn't know whether I was springing a trap on him or not. Come on, I'm not _that_ unfair.

Fletcher's eyes wandered the room, nose turning up. "Where's all your family?" he asked. "It seems so... dead."

The question about my family made me stiffen. I usually feel uncomfortable when asked about them, but for some reason, I answered. "Me 'alf-brother, as you've probably 'eard, has backslanged out of London at His Majesty's pleasure. Me father, 'e ain't around much. 'E just comes and goes as 'e pleases." I paused, knowing fully well that I wouldn't be able to say the next bit without struggling. "And me mother, she's no longer with us."

Syd's face turned as white as a sheet. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about that."

"Nah, it's OK," I shrugged it off. "Many people don't know about me or me family."

I left Syd standing there to make a move towards one of the kitchen cabinets. I pulled out a large bottle of wine, just come in from... well, it doesn't matter exactly where. I poured a large glass full for the both of us. What? I can't let my guests fall thirsty.

"So," I flopped down in a chair, gesturing for Syd to sit opposite. He sat. "How would you like this to be sorted?"

"I guess we don't say a word about what happened. Not even a dickie bird." He shrugged, taking a gulp of wine.

I nodded in agreement. As if I'd say a word, anyway. If we did, and the word spread, we'd both be done for. Society does not appreciate relationships between two men or two women, in fact.

We sat there in my kitchen for a long while, talking about random things. It wasn't until it fell dark that I realized we'd finished the whole bottle of wine. I looked up to see that probably like my own, Syd's eyes were bloodshot. We were both drunk.

Somehow, throughout the course of the evening, he had managed to move closer, sitting next to me. He leaned over and looked me in the eye. "I've never noticed this before, Billy," he slurred. "but you have fantastic eyes!"

I laughed at his drunkenness. I swayed in my seat and grinned at him. "Why, thank you, Mr. Fletcher. Might I say you have a wonderful smile?"

He grinned in response and came closer. I tilted my head towards his face, and once again our lips met. Unlike our last kiss, this one was rough and passionate. I could taste the sweetness of alcohol on his lips, on his tongue.

I attempt to kiss him on the neck, but Syd placed a finger on my lips, and whispered, "Let's take this someplace else." And I smirk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Syd**

We were lying in Billy's bed, staring up at the ceiling. To be honest, I doubted that you could even call this a bed. What we were lying on was a mess of cheap pillows and a tattered old blanket. Despite this, it was surprisingly comfy.

Beads of sweat ran down my body in a frenzy. I felt hot with tiredness as I burned. My skin burned with the sensation of Billy's touch. I could not get enough. I didn't want it to end, but it did.

Billy rolled off onto his side, facing me. The glint in his eyes was full of admiration as he looked me up and down. He reached out a hand and softly moved away the damp hair out of my face. I'm pretty sure that I was blushing when he gave me another kiss.

I circle my arm around his neck, needing more but he braces a hand against my chest. "Don't," he panted. "You'll only get me worked up again."

I groaned as he looked back up at the ceiling. I could still feel the bubbles of alcohol inside of me. Somewhere, in the back of my head, a slow throb started. I guess this was the start of a hangover.

Leaning my head on Billy's shoulder, I entwined our fingers. "I wish we could do this all the time," I said. "I wish that we wouldn't have to hide it."

"But that's the thing," Billy sighed. "We have to hide it. What we've just done is socially wrong, Syd. It could get us killed."

I was taken aback. As a noted criminal, I would've expected Billy to be all for the risks, but I was wrong. When he said what he said, he seemed almost scared. Billy wasn't prepared to leave this world and neither was I.

"So what you're saying is that what we did is a one-time thing?" I questioned. My heart was in my mouth. I felt sick to the thought of what he might say.

Billy's head slowly turned to face me. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers like I would disappear. "I'm sorry, Syd. I don't want us to end on bad terms, but we can't be together."

I shake my head, lips curling upwards. "I thought you were different from what people said about you, but I was wrong. You're selfish, Billy, selfish!" And I furiously turned away from him, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.

* * *

 **Billy**

That night, I could barely sleep. Beside me, I could hear the soft rumble of Syd's snoring. It was no lullaby, though. I tossed and turned constantly. There were many things on my mind.

I had once known these two boys; they were in my gang. They always did as they were told. But there was one thing different about them. They were in love.

I'd always shrug it off, not minding what they did as it was none of my business. However, their love did not stay secret for long. Someone had grassed and soon every street in London was abuzz with disgust. The boys were absolutely horrified when people began to lynch mobs on them. They became, in no time, battered and bruised.

I did nothing. I just watched while they took a beating. Guilt wrapped around me as things got worse. On one of the nights of the worst beating, they were arrested, never to be seen again. They were hung at Newgate in the eyes of no one. It was a great loss.

Now, I hope you understand the types of danger Syd and I could face. I wasn't trying to be selfish, it's just that I knew the consequences. Syd deserves none of it. If only he'd understand the point I was coming from.

I should never have let Syd believe that we could be together. Worse, I finally concluded the facts about myself. I'm only looking out for number one. I'm not prepared to die and I never will be.


End file.
